Never Say Never

I always swore to myself that I wouldn't be one of those moms that acted like they knew their baby. That always talked about their kid. That allowed their life to revolve around their baby. In my head I always thought, "your baby doesn't even know themselves. you don't know them. your annoying" usually in that order. As I tried to keep my head above water for the first few weeks of motherhood I quickly came to realize how wrong I was. About a lot of things.

The first few weeks of being a mother were really hard for me. I was surprised how hard they were. I have wanted to be a mom for a long time, pretty much my whole life, so when the adjustment was more than I expected I was surprised. There were so many things that were so great, but I was emotional.

My poor husband caught the brunt of it. Everyday for the first week of Allie's life when the thought of my mom leaving came to my mind I started bawling. Looking back now it is comical. But I was so nervous to be a lone with my baby. What if I needed my mom? Sometimes you just need your mom, you know? Then, much to my surprise, after she left I quickly realized I could manage my baby without her (we stilled missed her home cooked meals, daily sonic happy hour runs, and my spotless house though). But for about the next week, until Allie was 2 weeks old, I was emotionally a wreck. I pretty much hated Adam and he couldn't do anything right. I don't know what my deal was but as soon as Allie hit 2 weeks I felt like I was pretty much back to my old self. I guess I had a pretty classic case of the "baby blues".

As for my nevers.... Of corse I am the mom that is always talking about her baby. I try to be aware of who I am around and not bore people or make them feel bad but how can you not. My entire life does revolve around this little human right now. I feel like I exist to sustain her life in a way. So I feel like I don't have a lot of other things to talk about. For right now she is it and in a way I dread the day that she is not it anymore. That she becomes big enough that she does not require all of my focus. I want her to always need me the way she does right now (I really don't but I do) because I know the way I need her is never going to change.

The best and craziest part of this adventure that I have embarked on is realizing that I do know my baby. As we got to know each other those first few weeks the thoughts just kept coming into my head,  Hey, I do know you. We have met before. We have always loved each other. We are meant to be together. To teach each other about love. To make each others lives happy ones. I know her so well. She has her fake cry. She has her hungry cry. She has her tired cry. She has her I just want my mom cry ( that's my favorite one). And just like clock work when I respond properly to each cry she calms down and becomes my happy baby again. It really is amazing and now that I am fully adjusted to the "annoying mom" role I couldn't be happier or love it more.

Here is that grandma we were dreading leaving sleeping with Allie at the hospital

First fully submerged bath. She loved it. She kept trying to shimmy her body down in the water low enough to drink it. It was hilarious and she still does this every time she takes a bath. The girl just wants to drink some warm water!

Hi my name is Alice and I was born with no eyelashes or eyebrows. But I am still adorable.It is so sad those clothes she is wearing in this pic do not even come close fitting anymore.

 First trip to the hospital. She was only 5 days old and only 1 oz away from birth weight. Mama's got milk!

HATES HER LIFE. She wishes she was born in the day that car seats didn't exist. She prefers covered wagons!

I know she was asleep and probably pooping or dreaming about heaven but even those grins are the best.